Mother of the groom doesn’t like his fiancée, so she doesn’t want to invite her to her 70th birthday trip, as she alleges she doesn’t know her enough: ‘My wife isn't invited, so I've essentially said I won't go, as I feel she should have been invited’

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Sep 2, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Your chosen family is more important than the one you were born into.


When you get married, you are choosing who to spend your life with, who you want forming part of your family, the family that you are forming for yourself. The person that you are marrying has to be the most loved by you and the most important in your life, after yourself. If you ever have kids, they will occupy those spaces, but until then, your husband or wife is the center of your family, your chosen family. They come before everyone else: friends, parents, siblings. If you aren't going to give this person the place they deserve, then why get married in the first place? Marriage is making somebody else your family. Choose wisely.

When I read stories like the one below, I feel incredibly sad for the person who married into a family where the in-laws hate them. It's so solitary. And if your partner isn't standing up for you, then that is the biggest red flag. Someone chose to marry you, with everything that it implies. Only to then defend their parents over you? No way. I like that in this case, the husband was defending his wife against the mistreatment that she was getting by not being invited to her mother-in-law's birthday party and the constant disrespect by not considering her part of the family. This woman married a good man, but it's not everyone's case.

Something that I hate about in-laws is when they feel threatened by the new addition to the family instead of welcoming the person that their son or daughter chose as a partner. Your kid married someone they love. Why wouldn't you welcome them into your family? Because you feel threatened that they will be more important to them than you are? Well, that is the thing with marriage. That is exactly how it works. You just have to accept that and be as welcoming as you can so that your son or daughter doesn't go no contact with you. Disregarding their partner is only going to get you a more strained relationship with your kid. So maybe change the attitude and be welcoming. 

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  • 01
    We are getting married in a week and my mum, dad and brother are going to Italy for a weekend the week after for my mum's birthday. There's been all sorts of issues in the lead up to our wedding with my mum feeling more should have been done to consider what she / my side of the family want to happen at a wedding. Though the way I've mostly seen it is it's our wedding and we want to do things our way. Anyway my mum feels like she and my dad have not gotten to know my fiancée well enough in the p
    via ecklcakes
  • 02
    A family gathered together to see the mountains. Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
    via Roberto Nickson

    A family gathered together to see the mountains. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 03
    we've been seeing each other and I admit that maybe I haven't made enough effort to facilitate that. I see that it's not been said to be an issue until all sorts of other thighs related to wedding and stuff were brought up as negatives, such as both Nigerian and British food being served at the wedding being seen as one sided as there was a Nigerian wedding in Lagos that essentially my fiancée's family organised (there was British food also served). Lots of other concerns raised around wedding s
    via ecklcakes
  • 04
    Anyway as my wife isn't invited to my mum's 70th celebration I've essentially said I won't go as feel she should have been invited. My mum claims it's because she doesn't know her well enough but my view is that my wife at that point (if not before) is part of the family and should be included. My mum dislikes my fiancée though claims that's also not why she's not invited... My mum also makes the point that she rarely celebrates her birthday and this being her 70th is quite special so she wants
    via ecklcakes
  • 05
    can say no to attending as my wife isn't invited. It's even right after the wedding so I feel that almost makes it worse to be excluding my wife.
    via ecklcakes
  • 06
    A family playing with a golden retriever dog. Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.
    via CDC

    A family playing with a golden retriever dog. 

    Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned. 

  • 07
    JosieZee NTA. Your mom is being ridiculous.
    via JosieZee
  • 08
    Shot_Construction455 NTA. Your mother has had years to get to know her. Your wife will at that point also be your family. Well done for standing up for your wife.
    via Shot_Construction455
  • 09
    Ok_Zookeepergame6747 Your mum is free not to invite your wife, and you're equally free not to attend without her. Actions have consequences.
    via Ok_Zookeepergame6747
  • 10
    Dlodancer NTA. Ask your mom how is she supposed to get to know your wife if she excludes her? Your wife is your family now and she should be included! Don't go and stand by your wife.
    via Dlodancer
  • 11
    Bicoastalgigi NTA. Even if your mom had never met your wife, it would be unthinkably ride to invite you without your wife.
    via Bicoastalgigi
  • 12
    Far-Swim7394 NTA. Your mum is entitled to invite whoever she wants to her birthday, but you're equally entitled to decline if your future wife is excluded. After five years together, the "I don't know her well enough" excuse is pretty weak, especially when this is happening immediately after your wedding. By then, she won't be your fiancée. She'll be your wife. This could have been another chance to get to know your fiancée too right?
    via Far-Swim7394
  • 13
    Your mum can choose her guest list, and you can choose whether to attend. That's not controlling her birthday; it's setting a boundary about how you support your wife.
    via Far-Swim7394
  • 14
    SmarterthanDJT Your mom doesn't want your input about her birthday celebration, yet she thinks she has a right to control your wedding? It's difficult to think of two more contradictory ideas. She is being a Very Large AH, not you!
    via SmarterthanDJT
  • 15
    Cap Trick9489 NTA. My wife doesn't go, neither do I, the reverse is true too. I was born to my parents, I chose my wife and I choose her everday, dosen't get more simple than that.
    via Cap Trick9489
  • 16
    beardedkingface My family does this kind of sh with my fiancée/mother of my child. NTA, your parents are mentally children.
    via beardedkingface
  • 17
    pegwins You are doing the right thing. Your mom is horrible.
    via pegwins
  • 18
    4riys I don't know my sons wife super well, but it's my job to keep visiting and get to know her (she's lovely by the way)
    via 4riys

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bride birthday party family feud in laws newly weds
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